The Nesting Instinct
by nessabutterfly
Summary: Usagi, pregnant and Neo Queen of Crystal Tokyo, has decided to make Thanksgiving dinner for Mamoru and her friends.  This humerous  and ridiculous  tale is the result of a writing challenge to use quotes and ideas from a list.


I totally forgot about this story! I wrote it YEARS ago for a challenge- there are about 10 quotes or concepts thrown in that were required. I don't often write pure humour, but this one was fun.

And since Thanksgiving is just around the corner (in Canada anyway :), it seemed like the perfect time to post this.

The Nesting Instinct

"Do you really want to do this, Usako?" Mamoru couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his wife in a frilly pink apron, covered in flour from head to toe. When Usagi gave him a nasty look, he started backing away, holding his hands out in front of him as though he thought she might throw something at him. "You know, there are servants who could do this for you."

"But Mamo-chan, I want to do this for you myself! I've never made Thanksgiving dinner before and now that we're married, I have to take care of you. Of both of you." Usagi spread her hands over her expanding belly and smiled sweetly.

Mamoru couldn't get over how quickly Chibi-Usa was growing. Usagi had originally been very upset to discover that her pregnancy would last an entire year in order to prepare Chibi-Usa for her extended lifetime in Crystal Tokyo. Surprisingly though, she had adjusted to pregnancy very well and was determined to enjoy every minute of it. Still, Mamoru had noticed that Usagi's regularly fluctuating emotions had become just a touch more erratic in past months and he worked to keep her in good spirits.

"Well dear," sighed Mamoru. "If that's what you want, you can cook for us this year. When did you start celebrating all of these obscure international holidays though?"

Usagi smiled and waved a wooden spoon over the many dishes on the counter, flicking some runny green batter on Mamoru's shirt. "Mamo-chan, I realized what good food they celebrate with!" said Usagi with a smile. At just that moment, her stomach rumbled loudly and they laughed together.

"All right Usako, you win. But aren't you missing something?" asked Mamoru as he looked around at the mess that covered all of the surfaces in the large palace kitchen. "Where's your turkey?"

"Oh!" gasped Usagi, searching through the many pots, bowls, and pans that were strewn about. "I don't know! I ordered it an hour ago. It should be here!"

As Usagi continued to search for the phantom turkey, Mamoru noticed an open phone book on the counter, a big star drawn next to the number for "Happy Meats Butcher shop".

"Usako, sweetheart," began Mamoru in his kindest tone. "Is this where you ordered it from?" he asked, pointing at the phone book. Usagi nodded, a look of concern flashing across her face. Mamoru bit his lip and tried to think of the gentlest way to tell Usagi. "Well sweetheart, 'Happy Meats' is not one of our authorized suppliers. Even if the delivery boy can get past security clearance, it could take him an hour to find the kitchen. This palace is a bit of a maze you know."

Mamoru knew he had made a mistake the second Usagi opened her mouth. Instead of speaking, her face crumpled up and she burst into tears. "But Mamo...Mamo...Mamo-chan!" she gasped. "If I don't get that turkey in the oven soon, it won't be finished in time."

Mamoru had to think fast if there was any hope of stopping the flood of tears. "Usako, it's okay. I'll go get a turkey for you." Usagi's tears stopped and she looked up at her husband, shocked; as King of Crystal Tokyo, running to the market for a turkey was a little beneath his job description. But first and foremost, Mamoru was a husband and he knew that keeping his wife happy was key to keeping the entire kingdom running smoothly.

When he reached the door, Mamoru stopped and turned to face Usagi again. "Are you going to be alright in here by yourself Usagi? I could send someone else for the turkey if you want me to stay with you." Mamoru was a little afraid to leave Usagi because of her current emotional state, but also because of her lack of cooking expertise.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Makoto promised to help me cook the meal. She should be here any minute." This put Mamoru at ease. Unlike his wife, her friend was a talented cook. She regularly relieved the palace chef of his duties so that she could satisfy her own culinary desires. Mamoru turned quickly, knowing his wife would be in good hands.

But as he turned, his face smashed straight into a cold, hard object. There was a crash and he found himself on the ground. When the stars cleared from his vision, he found a teenaged boy pinned under the largest turkey he had ever seen. Pulling himself off of the floor, Mamoru then hoisted the bird off of the bewildered boy. The teen quickly sprang to his feet, apologizing profusely, "Your Majesty, I'm so sorry, your highness, Sir King. Won't happen again my lord, my apologies..."

Mamoru cut him off with a wave of the hand and a kind smile. "No apologies necessary, my boy. I wasn't watching where I was going." Mamoru pulled a large bill from his pocket and, placing it in the boy's hand, he turned back to his wife. "Well then Usako, I'll trust you to Makoto's expert care."

As Mamoru left the room, carefully looking to see that his path was clear, he noticed the clock. The delivery boy had been lucky to clear security and find the kitchen so quickly; he had arrived just twenty minutes late.

(Scene Change)

"Can't you please trust me? Just this once?" Minako was on her knees in front of Makoto, her hands clasped tightly together in a childish begging pose.

"Why should I trust you? You're the one who got me into this mess in the first place." Makoto waved her hand around the room to demonstrate her point. It looked like it had been caught up by a tornado. "And besides, you can't cook!"

Minako reached out and grabbed the collar of a large white poodle before she tried again. "Come on Makoto, you know it's not really my fault. Aphro is just a puppy. She doesn't know any better. And besides, I wouldn't know how to fix this anyways. You're really the only one that can clean this up, but I can easily help Usagi with a silly little turkey.

She grabbed the dog's face and tilted it up in an attempt to make her look innocent. Aphro was the senshi's nickname for Minako's seventy-pound poodle, Aphrodite. She was groomed traditionally with large poufs of hair on her hear, tail and feet, earning her nickname in much the same way Usagi had been dubbed Odango. The dog bore the evidence of her romp; her white coat was stained by the bottle of blue ink she had knocked down on herself as well as many of the papers she had knocked to the floor.

Finally Makoto sighed and agreed. She really was the only one who could fix these papers, and they were much more important than Usagi's turkey. The one condition was that Minako would have to lock up the dog in her kennel and give her, as well as the floor, a good bath as soon as the feast was completed. Makoto reminded Minako to follow the recipe she had left out on the kitchen counter. 'Really,' she thought to herself as Minako ran down the hallway, "How badly can she screw it up?"

(Scene Change)

"Oh Mako-chan, I'm so glad you're here! I just cannot figure this thing out!" Exclaimed Usagi from behind the turkey when Minako entered the kitchen. Usagi was buried in the turkey up to her armpits, determined to clean out the turkey, but feeling just a touch queasy.

Minako shuffled her feet and poked at the mess on the countertop before blurting out, "Oh I'm sorry Usagi! Aphro made a mess of Makoto's room, so I'm here to help instead!"

Usagi chewed on her lip for a second, then smiled brightly at her friend. "That's okay Minako. I'm sure we can figure it out. I've got a start on all of the side dishes, so why don't you get going on this turkey? It got here a little late so it needs to go in the oven fast. I already made the dressing, so when you get that... stuff... out of it, you can stuff it!" Usagi gladly stepped away from the moist turkey and washed her arms in the large sink.

With a sigh Minako picked up the directions for the turkey. She figured it shouldn't be too hard. Usagi had managed to clean out the bird almost entirely, and the dressing was finished; it even looked edible. "Now, let's see," she mumbled to herself, scanning the directions again. "325 degrees for four hours. Okay." Minako set down the directions and went to the oven, setting it accurately. "Hey Usagi, don't you think it's a little quiet in here? I'm going to turn on the radio." Usagi just nodded, not looking up from the green beans she was trimming.

"Where does a turkey come from?... Bounty, the quicker picker...sometimes you need a little bit, sometimes you need a...a beautiful fifteen degrees outside today" Minako flipped through the stations, trying to find some music to cook to, but every station seemed to be on a commercial break. She gave up and left it on the current station, moving back to the turkey. "The time is 3:15. And now back to your long fifty minute commercial free..." Minako stopped listening when she heard the time.

"3:15? 3:15! Usagi. It's 3:15. The turkey needs to cook for 4 hours and it's 3:15! What do I do?" Minako ran over to Usagi who was staring intently at a recipe, butter smeared on her cheek and a green bean stuck in her hair. She merely waved Minako away with one word, "busy" while she continued to decipher her recipe.

Minako walked back towards the oven, muttering to herself, "Well, it's 3:15. We're eating at 6. So I have almost 3 hours to cook it. I need to make the oven hotter I guess. That'll cook it faster. She looked at the oven dial, then her watch, and spun the dial up to 450 degrees. "That should do it", she announced as she headed back to the turkey to finish stuffing it. Hurrying to finish, she picked up the bowl and dumped the whole thing over, shoving it into the bird while she looked over at Usagi who had just dumped a spoonful of cranberry sauce onto the skirt of her white gown. Poor Usagi, she'd have to help her. But first, the turkey needed to get into the oven.

Minako moved to pick up the recipe to see if she needed to do anything else to the turkey before it went into the oven, but the recipe was gone. She looked on the floor, in the drawers, the garbage, and everywhere else she could think of. The recipe was gone. Giving up, Minako decided to put the turkey into the oven as it was. But when she managed to lug the heavy bird to the oven, she saw that it was now 3:40. Shoving the oversized roasting pan into the industrial sized oven, she closed the door and spun the dial up to 500 degrees.

Usagi looked like she was starting to get things under control so, after wiping up the spilled dressing, she headed for the kitchen door. "Hey Usagi, the turkey's in the oven. I'm just going to take Aphrodite out for a quick run. I'll be back to help you finish up in about forty-five minutes, ok?"

Usagi nodded and finished placing her side dishes into the second preheated oven. After tidying up her workspace, she pulled out the cooled cake she had baked that morning. It was a little lopsided, but she proceeded to spread on a thick layer of icing in hopes of fixing its appearance. There were pumpkin and apple pies in the oven, but Usagi had developed a special weakness for chocolate cake since the beginning of her pregnancy.

When the cake was neatly displayed on its serving tray it looked nearly perfect. Usagi checked her timers and, discovering that everything had another forty-five minutes to bake, she sank into a chair and promptly fell asleep. Much as she loved being pregnant, she wore out easily lately.

(Scene change)

Minako heard the fire alarm just as she was returning Aphro to her cage. Securing the dog hastily, she ran towards the kitchen. She arrived to find Usagi, still asleep in the chair, but moaning and tossing her head. The smoke alarm was ringing loudly and the oven was pouring smoke.

Minako panicked, not knowing what to attend to first when Mamoru swept into the room. He swept Usagi up into his arms and settled her down in the next room. As he set her down, she mumbled, "Turn it off. Let me sleep a little longer." Mamoru rushed back into the room, pushing Minako gently out of the way and flipped off the oven. Picking up a nearby fire extinguisher, he threw the oven open. A huge cloud of black smoke billowed from the opening, but when it cleared, there was only a small flame on the turkey's surface, easily taken care of by a damp dish towel.

Mamoru sighed and looked back towards the sleeping Usagi, safe in the next room. "I knew this was too much for her. I told her to let someone else do it. Where is Makoto anyways? I thought she was supposed to be helping?"

"Um," mumbled Minako from behind him. "It, uh... I helped instead. I did the turkey." A deep red blush was visible even beneath the smoke that stained her face.  
>"You?" asked Mamoru with a sigh. "Well then, I suppose, um, well, I think the turkey is done." Mamoru shook his head slightly as he walked to the next room to check on his wife.<p>

"Usako," he sang the name softly into her ear and kissed her gently, once on each eyelid, and then on the lips. Mamoru was the only person who could wake Usagi up and it was difficult even for him now that she was pregnant.

After a minute or so Usagi began to stretch and squirm, and finally opened her eyes. She smiled sleepily for a moment before her eyes popped wide open and she sat upright. "My food. Did I miss the alarm?"

Mamoru chuckled softly at this, but shook his head. As he helped Usagi to her feet, he asked her, "Aren't you supposed to eat the turkey before you take the nap?" Usagi stuck out her tongue as Mamoru led her away from the kitchen. "Why don't we get you cleaned up for dinner? You've worked so hard today. You can let Ami and Rei set the table for you, okay?"

Usagi nodded sleepily, allowing Mamoru to lead her towards her chambers. She was too tired to even register the smell of the smoke.

(Scene Change)

Usagi returned to the dining room an hour later in a fresh dress complete with her wings and crown. When she had begun to show her pregnancy Minako had used her fashion design skills to create a roomier version of the official royal wardrobe for her. She looked every inch a Queen in her flowing white silk gown as she entered the room.

Her friends were already seated when Mamoru pulled out her chair for her. They had managed to arrange all of the food on the table in such an appetizing manor that Usagi's stomach begged loudly for the meal to begin. Even the turkey looked better after Minako had peeled off the charred skin.

While everyone chatted about how good everything looked, Usagi quietly slipped her plate towards the cake platter. She had served herself a large piece and had her fork halfway to her mouth before Rei noticed her. "Hey, Usagi! Put that down! We can have the cake after the turkey."

Usagi sighed but shoved the fork into her mouth before Mamoru could grab it. "Come on Mamo-chan. You know how much Chibi-Usa loves cake; I'm eating it for her!" She patted her enlarged abdomen and smiled sweetly, reaching out her fork to steal another chunk of the cake while Mamoru was distracted by her smile. Talking around the chocolaty crumbs, she repeated, "Our Small Lady wants cake, not turkey!"

The king motioned for one of the maids to come and remove the cake from the table, and turned to embrace his wife. "I love you Usako; and our daughter. That's why you can have the cake back after you eat some turkey. Now why don't I carve it?"

Mamoru stood and began to carve the turkey, but stopped quickly. Removing the knife, he tried again on the other side. "Um, Minako? This turkey: how long was it in the oven?" Mamoru used the carving set to show everyone the inside of the turkey, which was still a translucent pink. Only the outer half-inch was cooked. "I love turkey, but it's better cooked."

Minako blushed and looked down at the napkin she was shredding in her lap. "Um, about an hour. I was short on time and I couldn't find the recipe so I guessed." She looked up when Rei cleared her throat. Dangling from a pair on tongs, Rei held the lost recipe, covered in uncooked dressing. Minako laughed and pointed out, "At least we weren't going to eat that anyways.

Rei set the tongs back in the dressing bowl and pushed back her chair. "I'm going to call for take out. I need to eat something." Everyone nodded their agreement as Rei walked towards the hallway phone.

"Wahhhhh!" Usagi burst out in tears at that moment. Everyone stopped to look at her; even she was surprised at the intensity of her outburst, but she could not stop crying. "I worked all day, so hard, and none of you has even tasted my food. Sure I'm a bad cook, but you haven't even tried it yet. Sit down and eat!"

Rei sat down quickly and everyone started at the platters of food on the table; it did look good. Makoto was the first to begin filling her plate. She had helped Usagi plan the menu and chose easy recipes. Soon everyone was loading their plates with the many side dishes. They smelled as good as they looked and soon everyone began to eat. Usagi watched everyone's faces as they tasted the different foods on their plates. They all registered shock and surprise. Poor Usagi automatically assumed that it was worse than they had expected and began to cry again.

Mamoru saw Usagi crying again and laid down his fork. "My little Odango, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Is it that bad?" she blurted out through her tears.

"Bad?" exclaimed Ami. "No, Usagi, we're all surprised because it's good. When did you learn to cook?" When Usagi just shrugged, Ami mused, "I guess it's that nesting instinct kicking in. You need to make good food for your baby."

By the time everyone was finished eating, every dish Usagi had prepared was scraped clean. Mamoru and the girls stared at the large, raw turkey sitting on the table debating what to do with it when there was a loud crash above them. Everyone looked up, wondering what had happened. A few seconds later there was another crash; the noises grew closer and everyone stood up from the table just as the door to the dining hall burst open.

Suddenly a blue and white streak flashed across the table and carried the turkey down onto the floor. "Aphrodite!" yelled Minako as she chased the dog and bird into the kitchen. Several minutes later, Minako emerged from the kitchen victorious with a half of a turkey carcass in her arms. "At least we weren't going to eat this anyways," she said with a smirk.


End file.
